If you want to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to communicate. Ask any happy couple what the key is to a successful relationship and no matter what their answer is, it all comes down to one, vital component: open communication.

If a couple cannot openly and freely communicate their wants, needs, desires, feelings, and emotions with one another, than their relationship will never be able to grow. Honesty can never be achieved if one or both members of the relationship do not feel they can openly express themselves to their partner.

And what is a relationship without honesty? Yep, that’s right. Not a very promising one. So how does a couple achieve a completely open line of communication with one another? Well, it is not as easy as it sounds. It is hard for some people to hear honest emotions and feelings expressed by their partner, especially if these feelings are hurtful. When your partner tells you that they feel you are too clingy, or that they need some space or time to do things on their own, it is tough to not become defensive. But sometimes, that is the very worst thing you can do.

Becoming defensive and putting up a wall makes the other person feel that being honest with you may have been the wrong thing to do. After all, their intention was probably not to hurt you and now they feel that they have. So what can you do in a situation like this? Instead of immediately becoming defensive, let the person talk and explain why they feel this way.

If you want to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship, you’ll have to learn how to communicate. Listen. The rule of communication is that one person speaks while they other person listens. And I mean truly listen, don’t just hear their words, process what they are trying to communicate to you.

There are helpful guides that helped a lot of couples maintain a healthy relationship and taught them how to listen properly. After you have listened to what they have to say, explain how it made you feel and why. Instead of shutting yourself off and becoming upset, calmly explain why his/her comment upset you and maybe you will find out that how you see it isn’t at all how they meant it. Misunderstandings are the number one enemy to successful communication, and they occur because either one or both members are not really listening to what the other is saying. So next time you sit down for a one on one discussion with your partner, remember to keep your ears open and your own interpretations closed. Put away the claws, hold that wall down, and remain calm. Everything can be worked out if you just communicate.